SatireV

Breaking

and entering

Democracy

Op-Ed: Why I’m Committing Voter Fraud and You Should Too

By Jake Craven ‘22

 

According to Wikipedia, voter fraud is the “illegal interference with the process of an election.” Now, I don’t know much about illegal processes, but I do know a thing or two about elections; specifically, how easy they are to interfere with fraudulently. That’s why, this November, I’ll be marching down to my local polling center and submitting roughly 44,600 ballots for Hilary Clinton.

Oh God, TED Talk Contains Word Cloud

VANCOUVER - Reports are in that an otherwise interesting TED talk titled “How Friendship Will Transform Democracy” has ceased to relay information about its topic and is currently spending a minute and forty-five seconds on a fucking word cloud.
 

World Seriously Reconsidering This Whole Democracy Thing

MANILA, PHLIPPINES — With Donald Trump assuming the Republican presidential nomination and Rodrigo Duterte elected the newest president of the Philippines, the citizens of the world collectively announced today that look, maybe we should just forget about the whole Democracy thing. “It was nice while it lasted, I guess. But I think it’s clear it’s just not working anymore,” said Manila resident Abian Ramos, who now has to live under a legitimately elected president who once joked that it was a shame a rape victim was so beautiful, because he wish he had been first.