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Daniel Day-Lewis

Abraham Lincoln Has Been Playing Daniel Day-Lewis For the Past 56 Years

In a press conference following his Best Actor win at the 85th Academy Awards, Abraham Lincoln revealed that he has been playing Daniel Day-Lewis since 1957.  

“Yeah, that whole thing about the theater and the shooting and all that, it was unfortunate, but it had to be done.  I just needed an excuse to get away from my wife.  She was f—king crazy, you know,” said the 16th President of the United States.  “I mean, the ends justified the means, right?  Machiavelli said that, I think.  I’m a big fan of Machiavelli.”