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Breaking

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Cambridge Analytica

What Your Big Five Personality Traits Say About You!

alexander nix

By former Cambridge Analytica CEO Alexander Nix

MOSCOW, RUSSIA – Greetings, dear reader. I’ve been expecting you.

Remember when you wanted to know which character from Friends you would share a toothbrush with? I hope you’re glad to know it was Joey because now we know the future of your country. Nonetheless, in my infinite generosity, I have deigned to offer you dullards a brief breakdown of the Big Five personality traits. If any one of these descriptions sounds suspiciously like you, you won't even have to take the quiz!

Sorry For Not Protecting Your Information, You Dumb Fucks

A clear photo of Mark Zuckerberg against a white background
Dear Facebook community,
 
You may have heard that a political consulting firm associated with Steve Bannon gained access to information from more than 50 million Facebook user profiles. This is a breach of trust. I am sorry for not preventing it, you motherfucking imbeciles who "skimmed" the terms and conditions.